Anthem of the Angels
by TheHop
Summary: When it comes down to it, being a single parent is really hard.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: for Sarah :P**

* * *

Being a single parent is _hard_.

Being a single parent when your kids are barely functional angels you created to love everything but in fact whine and bitch more than the whole of humanity _put together_, is nigh on impossible.

I mean you'd need to be God or something, right?

It wasn't always like this, Chuck thinks. Once upon a time it was easy and they didn't even need to try.

It had never been perfect.

That why it had been so wonderful.

He knew it was coming.

He's always known. Out of all of them, he truly knew how it would end.

Is that better?

Sometimes he wishes he didn't know everything. Sometimes he wishes all he could remember was the beginning.

Then it might not hurt so freaking much to let go.

* * *

Michael is the first.

He's a great kid, y'know? Always trying to please, respectful and kind and quiet… Chuck finds himself totally captivated by him. He's enthralled watching him grow and learn.

Chuck hangs stars in the sky just to watch as Michael's eyes grow wide.

The curiosity that falls into joy every time Chuck shows him something new is just… mesmerising. He's the sort of Kid that makes you want to have another.

So he does.

* * *

Lucifer is different and that's amazing.

He's more outgoing than Michael who is kind of stoic. Lucifer chatters nonstop. He's fascinated by everything _innately,_ he clings to his father, asks nonstop questions and totally _idolises_ his big brother. He follows him round talking his ear off and hanging on his wings like he's scared Michael will disappear if he lets go.

Later on it's an image that will ache when he remembers it. But for now it brings a smile to his lips and makes him ache with satisfaction, _His_ children filling

his creation with so much love.

* * *

Gabriel is a little shit.

There's no use in even denying it. The kid is into everything, pulling it apart to see how it works then at a total loss of how to put it back together. Chuck spends a millennia clearing up after him and another lecturing him on _Not. Touching. Daddy's. Things_. If it were possible, Gabriel would probably be the death of him. But then when he looks down at and sees those big golden eyes sparking with humour and wit and a quick mind that just stumps Chuck every time, he can't stay mad.

* * *

Raphael scares him a little.

He regards things like they were a personal gift and resents anything that's taken away from him. He regards his brothers like he's not quite sure if he should be possessive or defensive towards them. They fight more after Raphael is born and it's getting more and more… difficult. How can you explain to them that he loves them equally? That he'd do anything for them? It pains him that they don't understand…

But at the same time it's so exciting. It's like Chuck can't stop. He wants to fill this endless void with his beautiful, unique and love filled children. They are more life than life itself… He has bigger plans in the pipeline of course, things that hover, enticing and dangerous and not quite ready. But they are for another day.

* * *

Anna is next.

Oh Anna, beautiful, sweet, creative Anna. She's like a rejuvenating force. She has them all wrapped round her finger in the blink of an eye. She's not like Michael, who watches, or Lucifer, who questions. She's not like Gabriel, who practically destroys or Raphael, who demands. She wants to make things. As soon as she is able, she's swirling patterns in the clouds, drawing pretty pictures. Every time she shows him his heart swells with pride.

For a long time things are good.

* * *

He makes more angels of course and he loves them all for everything they are, all of their quirks and unique traits. He loves their passions and their pride. He loves their flaws and their mistakes. He loves how they love each other and he loves them when they fight.

They give him everything, totally willingly and he would give them anything in return, respect and comfort and education. He'll reprimand them when they stray or hurt each other.

He would never hide anything from them.

He would never leave them.

* * *

He sees it all laid out like a map inside his head long before the plan comes into actualisation.

He doesn't like to look too far ahead. It ruins the surprise for one…

He's anxious about it.

The idea of humans.

They are something so new…

It's not like when he made Michael all those years ago. When he started making Angels there was only darkness, and the things that moved inside it… Things he banished to a far corner where they could do no harm. Then there was the light, and Himself, and He pulled the Angles out of the light.

Humans would not be like that.

He wouldn't pull them out of existence.

It couldn't be the way.

They would create themselves.

They just needed the opportunity and a place to grow and evolve and discover.

In the ever growing cosmos, and the stars he dropped there for the amusement of his first children, he hangs a planet in the sky.

* * *

Lucifer still follows Michael like a shadow when Chuck tells them about his new project. They are strong and united and so open and as he explains Chuck feels the same rush of excitement he felt showing them the universe for the first time…

But Chuck feels a heavy weight settle in his stomach as a stony look passes over his second child's face.

Doggedly he carries on. He asks them to love the humans. Like they love each other, with purity and honesty and maybe it was too much. How can he ask them to love that which they can't even understand?

Humans are not like them. They will be full of so much emotion. They will know rage and angst and anger, bitterness and frustration and sadness in a way he doesn't think they Angels ever can. Their lives will be fleeting but brilliant, like flashes of light. But their souls will live on forever. They will be an epic creation, perhaps Chuck's greatest work.

Most of the Angles accept what he says with the obedience that is rapidly becoming a default nature.

Michael tells Chuck he has faith. Gabriel is delighted at the prospect of new shiny things to play with. Anna seems pleased, if quiet. Raphael is indifferent at best.

But Lucifer is afraid.

Chuck has no idea what to do because it has to happen this way…

So he just lets it.

Even when it twists him up inside, he lets it.

* * *

Life is so _long_ when you live forever.

Moments stretch out endlessly and somehow take no time at all.

It's hard. He can't even put a finger on the moment when Lucifer and Michael began to hate each other.

He can't even recall the moment where Lucifer stopped being that tiny creature hanging desperately to his brothers wings.

Their fights last decades.

There is no forgiveness anymore… if there ever was…

The others mostly keep their distance from the whole thing. Perhaps they are afraid.

Sometimes though, just sometimes Chuck will become aware of a warm presence pressing into his side, seeking… what? reassurance? An anchor in the storm? A promise that all will be well again someday?

Chuck holds Gabriel close and hopes the child cannot tell he is seeking the same thing.

Until, one day, the presence is gone.

Chuck thinks perhaps it is best if he doesn't look for him.

It doesn't return.

* * *

Banishing Lucifer is the second hardest thing Chuck will ever have to do.

He clings to the Angel wishing against all that it will somehow be enough.

It's not enough.

Lucifer loved so much. Too much. It was all too much. Trying to find room inside for all that love turned it all inside out, made it twisted and bitter and jealous.

Chuck tells himself it's to protect him. To protect all of them.

Sometimes Chuck hates himself.

There is an awful silence in heaven.

It feels like the aftermath of a great battle, but there are no victories… Only silence.

Things on the little blue planet below are moving.

There is a whole other life down there that knows nothing of the world in which it exists.

It takes all Chucks self-control not to blow the damn thing apart out of spite. Because how dare it be so peaceful? How dare it know nothing of the grief he feels?

And with those wrathful thoughts he can suddenly see the havoc the human race will wreck. He sees death and chaos and so much darkness and as hard as he tries he can't find the good. It just fills him with despair that rips him from heaven.

So when Chuck walks on earth for the first time, it is in-mind of destruction and hate. It is perhaps the wrong mind-set to be in and that is something that will intrigue him forevermore.

When he has the idea he has never _felt_ so much.

* * *

One more Angel.

One last chance for him to build a bridge between the doubts growing like a sickness in his paradise and the fresh unripe life he never wants to regret.

Out of the war torn planes of heaven and the brand new skies of earth he fashions the fledgling with shaking hands.

The wings that spill from his back are black as grief but his eyes shine with the innocence and confidence of a fresh world. This Angel will not be like any of the others. He was made on earth and for him the pull of this world will be great. He will understand humans. He will love them in the way the other angles can't fathom. Maybe even in a way that Chuck can't fathom…

He holds him tight, looks into those big blue eyes and thinks. He could give him such power… He could rank him higher than any, higher than the first archangels even...

He thinks of Lucifer and the thought grows cold.

Then he thinks of the minute life forms crawling out of the sea at that very moment… so lowly and with so much _choice_ ahead of them.

Perhaps true power cannot be given. Perhaps it ought to be discovered.

"Thursday" Chuck mutters to the child as his inky wings fold and unfold experimentally, and he shifts in Chucks arms. "What's a Thursday in the grand scheme of things? It's not much really is it? It's not the beginning, or the end or even the middle… It's just there"

The tiny angel looks back at him. His expression serious, like he understands.

He sets the child down and let's himself enjoy the moment of pure contentedness as the newly appointed angel of Thursday takes in the wonders around him, the grim expression melting into simple curiosity.

Perhaps this is what Chuck has been truly missing. Being able to watch.

They find themselves at the water's edge. Continents are forming out there in that clear blue sea. Things to huge and take such time that from here they can't even be seen.

The child is clearly unconcerned. He wobbles on shaky new legs, those dark wings quivering with excitement.

"Castiel"

The child turns and smiles.

Chuck lets himself hope.

* * *

It's not that long after that Chuck walks away.

It's time for him. He can't stay anymore.

It is the only thing more difficult than losing Lucifer.


	2. Additional - Anthem's End

**AN: **

**Hey friends, firstly, what can I say but a massive THANK YOU to you lovely people who favourited, followed and dropped a review on AotA. I hope nice things happen to you :) **

**I'm working on something much bigger at the moment, which is why I'm taking FOREVER to update my other stories... I know, I'm awful... I apologise. **

**But for now, please accept this as a little additional chapter, I hope you enjoy it**

* * *

Chuck walks on earth among the creatures he made in his own image. He finds them incredible. Their resourcefulness, their compassion, their carnal desires… They are terrible and beautiful…

…And sometimes they're utterly ridiculous.

They just... They confuse the hell out of him!

They make things, like tools and fire and wristwatches and cheese and wheels and cardboard and badminton and books and theatre and candles.

But then they kill animals for fun... They cut down forests and make their own lives so much more difficult sometimes.

They tell stories.

But they steal things from each other?

They bear children even though it's painful and messy.

But they go to war over a broken promise or a piece of land?

They use inks and paints and write and draw and record the lives they live that are so very brief in the hope they aren't forgotten but punish one another for crimes Chuck doesn't understand.

Sometimes they kill out of spite.

Religion…

Well, that's something else entirely…

* * *

It's not that he severs all connection with Heaven, some things still have to happen still and they can't happen without him. But he won't go back. He can't look at his children without feeling that crushing despair, without seeing Lucifer's face everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

He thinks about Castiel fairly often. Wonders how he is growing, if the others realise he is different from them. Wonders when it will matter.

Sometimes the Angels come to earth and he has to fight the magnetic drag he feels to go to them.

But fight it he does.

Things are building up though, bubbling and brewing away in the background. The 21st century is so noisy… you've no idea!

He blots it out. It's not time to face it yet.

He finds a house and creates himself a life. Spins it out like one of those stories humans are so fond of. Hides inside the lie and watches it unfold.

* * *

Humans find great ways of encapsulating ideas. One of Chuck's personal favourites is the whole, "Life would be tragic if it weren't funny".

And the idea of the Winchester Gospel makes Chuck laugh like he hasn't in years. Ever since the Winchester boys were born it's like ripples or shock waves are pulsing out of them. No one but him, and maybe the Angels, can sense it.

The brothers certainly can't.

Turns out the greatest pieces on the board never can.

They deserve a gospel.

He'll write them one.

* * *

When Dean Winchester sells his soul to save his little brother Chuck knows it's time to intervene. Hell is coming to earth, soon he will have to face his children again as they fight for the Paradise he can't even remember promising them.

They don't _understand_! They don't know what paradise is… What it means.

The Angels are like an army these days. But if that's what he meant to do, shouldn't he be leading the charge?

In a moment of spontaneity he goes to Castiel.

He doesn't speak to him. It wouldn't be right. But he lets himself watch.

He's everything Chuck expected and so much more at the same time.

He sits among the clouds, his face serious as he watches the earth turn. His grace is pulsing with a need to understand. A frustration born of restraint, holding back and not touching what he so desperately wants.

He's full of Faith and Love with nowhere to put it.

Is it an irresponsible parenting decision to send your youngest child to hell?

It doesn't feel like it somehow.

Because Castiel will not be another Lucifer, he will return from the pit. He will rebuild Dean Winchester and beyond that?

He revels in the blissful feeling of _not knowing_.

Free will…

That's the future.

If they're want to tear up the rule book…

Well, Chuck bless them.

* * *

The next time Chuck will see his youngest angel, it will be in a dingy kitchen when it feels like the world is being torn apart at seems and Raphael, full of rage and anguish is ripping open the sky because he thinks it's the right thing to do.

Castiel will not recognise his father. Not even when Chuck reaches out for him, unable to contain the pride and hope he feels.

His strangle little child with the black wings, who was born in anguish and fell in love with humanity, who is willing to give up everything for the righteous man he pulled from hell.

Castiel thinks he's going to die in that moment.

But Chuck won't let him.

Not yet.

He's got many years ahead of him, many more stories to share with the human he dragged out of the pit, bloodied and broken.

It's all changing out there.

It's not for him to surprise his children with pretty lights anymore.

But perhaps that's what being a good parent is about? If you've done your job right, one day, they don't need you anymore.

Holding on clearly didn't work, so he's going to let go.

No more gospels, nothing left to foretell.

Being a single parent is hard.

But saying goodbye just might be harder.


End file.
